Thursday, October 29, 2009

3 years ago 10-29-06

Three years ago today, I woke up in Beijing on what would be the day I became a mom. The sight-seeing behind us, I was now scared, apprehensive, nervous, you name it. Would my daughter hate me? Would I really be a good mom? What have I done?!?!?!? Thoughts of what might be going through Mailia's mind on this day also kept running thru my thoughts. Is she scared? Is she nervous? Does she realize that after today she will leave all she's ever known? Is she heartbroken or is she anxious? Does she wonder why she has no say in all this?

My friend (and travel companion) Audra and I spent the 3 hr. flight to Nanchang making a list of questions to ask the orphanage representative who would bring my daughter to our hotel that night. My one and only chance to learn as much as possible about my daughter-to-be.
I wish I'd kept that list, but I remember some of the obvious questions:

Did she know I was coming for her?
Is she happy or sad about that?
What is her personality like?
What foods does she like/dislike?
Eating habits, sleeping habits, potty habits, etc. etc. etc.

It was a fairly long list but like I was my only chance to ask about the first six years of my child's life. As I learned, very quickly, there was just no possible way to ask all the questions that would come up from that day forward.

We got settled into our hotel in Nanchang and began the wait. Word came that she would arrive around 5:00pm. It was only noon. I tried to eat, but my stomach was in knots. Tried to take a nap....not possible.
So we walked. And walked. And kept checking the time. It was going soooo slow, no wait!, it's going so fast. What was I thinking???? There's still time to change my mind. OMG when will she EVER get here?!?!?!?!?

1 comment:

Steph said...

Boy can I remember those feelings! We just adopted our daughter Grace, now 11, in December. I was terrified, but it has worked out beautifully! We love Grace and she really fits in our family.
Thanks for sharing you story.